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Hepkitten

hepkitten is the original founder of LJDrama, the drama yacht, and mayor of Bantown

Heppitten.png

 

Summary

hepkitten is short, vicious, and shouldn't be allowed to eat after midnight. Her stellar Internet career can only be explained in code so high level they've been incapable of applying any other name but StuxNet. In addition to personally destroying a number of Iranian centrifuges she is also a talented Lolzketeer, and a fighter for e-justice. While being hugely active in both the San Francisco and Seattle LiveJournal communities she rose to Internet fame. Along with her good friends jameth, girlvinyl, and weev she was able to concoct a community of drama. Responsible for the take down of insub and various floods of Latvian hackers she is considered armed with a camera and xtremely dangerous.

Origins

Somewhere deep in the Russian Urals forged in the fires of Mount Doom.

Ancient texts recently unearthed suggest her tale from the Eastern nations was far more convoluted,

 
“ 		 
During the 1970s in the eastern European country of Hepvia, Hepkittenova ruled her nation with an iron fist and a velor cape. . . It wasn't until the day her satellite dish picked up a faint signal of the ill-fated Steven Bochco police drama musical, Coprock, that she began to understand the true meaning of "noblesse oblige" - the obligation of the upper class to supply those less fortunate with Kenny G. . .
  		„
 

—Unnamed source, Lost Texts

Thus began a long and tumultuous journey for the proud hepkitten. Little did she know it would lead to a very drastic change.

 
“ 		 
Unable to locate a single copy of Kenny G's Live at Red Rocks CD, Hepkittenova eventually realized she had to go west: farther than falco's domain of Austria; past the Hasselhoffian confines of Berlin; beyond the hot sultry Spanish coasts where Las Ketchup was known to Asereje; all the way to the land of the free, the home of the brave, where the sounds of Michael Bolton, Dave Koz, and John Tesh were heard by all and worshiped like the gods of Arena rock they were. . .
  		„
 

—Unnamed source, Lost Texts

Rise to fame

LJDrama lol.

Immigration records of the times have been discovered and her paper trail tracked to give us this rare glimpse into her life.

 
“ 		 
Blinded by the glitz and the glamor, Hepkittenova decided to drop the ova. While still remaining as fertile as you would not believe, the newly christened 'Hepkitten' felt as though she'd lost something. A part of her soul perhaps? Maybe something deeper? It wasn't until she'd hit rock bottom, sitting through an nkotb tribute band, that she'd hear the haunting strains of a musician who would gently pull her back from the brink of destruction... Yanni... or maybe it was Zamfir, master of the pan flute.
  		„
 

—Seller of Sorrow, Eyewitness

It would seem as if things were over for our hero but not to despair as things would quickly change in her favor when the power of music revived her. Hep would later say this was one of the most influential periods of her life and following the event would go on to win three Grammy awards.

 
“ 		 
Regardless, she rose from her seat at the Palladium like a phoenix rising from its seat at the cow palace and got a job at the local Kwik-e-Mart. She was a convenience-store clerk and good at her job. One day, she committed the ultimate sin and testified against other clerks gone bad; clerks who tried to kill her, but got the Hello Kitty toaster she loved instead. Framed for murder, now she prowls the badlands, an outlaw hunting outlaws, a bounty hunter, a *renegade*.
  		„
 

—Unnamed source possibly assasinated, Los Angeles 1987

After being arresting in 1988 she was granted a full pardon by then outgoing President Ronald Reagan. During her speech to the Congress hepkitten managed to bring no fewer than 40 Senators to tears. Figures tallying the emotions of Representatives were never collected.

Current status

DramaYacht skipper and mother of three, hep spends much of her time on photography and modernist ASCII dong sculptures. In her spare time she can be seen enjoying long walks on burning mountains near her home. She is also fond of raising free range chickens.

Famous Quote

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by world of warcraft and medical marijuana


Facts

  • hep is actually 3 foot in height and floats above the height of most crowds
  • Still in SanFran
  • REALLY REALLY LIKES PHOTOGRAPHY

Images

Hep lovingly looks out over the bay

While her height is small her lust for sandwiches isnt

The widely acclaimed hepkitten program

hep 2012, coming this fall or winter




Related Pages

Jameth
LJDrama
Mediacrat


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