oh internet

Helter Skelter = Cupcakes and Glitter?

Summary

Attention whoring at it's finest. "Single" mother of 4 kids with multiple fathers. Kandee Johnson took to the internet after failing at life in the makeup world and not having any other way to feed her starving children. She's now a self-proclaimed "YouTube sensation", "master makeup artist", and "inspirational guru". Somewhere along the line she got in trouble with the police (the real ones, not the cyber police) for leaving her kids at home to go play with makeup in Los Angeles. Since then she's cyber-begged her loyal Kandee Army to pay for her lawyer, send her "treasures" and buy her ridiculous cupcake-themed baby attire for her most recent spawn. She's also charged her "family" hundreds of dollars to go meet with her at some sort of convention IRL.

She also dresses like everything bad in the 80s barfed all over her.

If you tell her she's pretty, she'll let you be her new baby-daddy.

Despite her name, she is not a stripper. She said so.

Origins

"Somewhere in a laboratory, a mad scientist concocted a mixture of Ponzi's sweat, Unicorn blood, glitter, b-rate 80s films and accidentally dropped his stale cupcake from yesterday's lunch in and created the middle-aged abomination many have come to fear, today.

This creation went forth with a bible in hand spreading tales of Jesus and makeup for the land to hear. Unsuspecting prey bowed to her as their new savior. Soon the beast could not be made happy by simple compliments, alone, and went on to feed on the monetary possessions of it's followers. Lie after lie raked in more and more money for the monster, as it's +10987298723987234978342987423978eleventy hypnosis spell was in full effect."

In all seriousness, though, no one is all that sure as to where Kandee Johnson came from. In her videos, she mentions that she decided to do makeup videos after watching other "Gurus" online. She claims to be a licensed makeup-artist, but that was recently discovered as false information.

Some say that Kandee's low self-esteem and hunger for compliments is what drove her to whoring herself and her family all over the innerwebs.

Rise to fame

Deceiving 500,000+ people on YouTubes into thinking that she was a real makeup artist with real live Cosmetology licenses and stuff. Claiming to be a "celebrity makeup artist" and posting pictures of raggedy D-list celebrities as her proofs, she gained popularity at an astonishing rate. Soon after people caught on to the fact that her tales were completely false, she posted numerous blogs, videos, tweets, Facebook statuses, billboards, and Old English couriers that she had haters and would be "praying for them". This created the war between the "Truth-seekers" and the "Kandee Army" that many who follow her know of, today.

No matter what Kandee says, she feeds off of any attention that is given to her, bad or good.

Current status

Praying for the "haters" and ignoring her children to bock and dete people from her Facebook page. Searching for baby-daddy #5 Being compared to Jesus by her followers. No joke.

Famous Quote

"I love you and send buckets of hope"

Facts

• Smells Pretty

• Hot Middle-Aged Woman

• Does not cuss

• Babies. Lots of them.

• Bocks and Detes

Videos

External Links

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