oh internet

Gotta nuke 'em all!

Summary

Bowling anyone?

Kim Jong-il (or Kim Jong Il) was most widely known for being the wise and benevolent leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, but to his people he is far more. He was a trendsetter, internet expert, movie producer, wine connoisseur, playwright, composer, and world-class golfer. He also had the ability to control the weather, among other supernatural powers. However, Kim Jong-il was not perfect.

In a report compiled by two University of Colorado professors with the assistance of an anonymous South Korean psychiatrist, Kim Jong-il was diagnosed with 14 separate personality disorders, including the "big six" disorders (sadistic, paranoid, antisocial, narcissistic, schizoid and schizotypal) that are shared by the world's most infamous dictators, including Joseph Stalin, Saddam Hussein, and Adolf Hitler. His long and embittered struggle with his unstable mental state has never weakened his resolve, and those closest to him (no pressure, honest) loudly contend that he is one of the most capable and wise men they have ever encountered. Also that his rampant sexual prowess is an example to all men.

While it is apparent that Kim Jong-il was not a dictator, many outside North Korea insist that he is, and point to the fact that he has made it nearly impossible for anyone without a high-ranking government position to access the internet. It is true that North Korea has no broadband data network or private internet service providers, that there is only one internet cafe in the entire country, that average citizens are only allowed to browse about thirty websites hosted and maintained by the North Korean government, and that Reporters Without Borders once called North Korea "the world's worst internet black hole", but this does not prove that Kim Jong-il is a dictator. He refuses to bring the internet to North Korea not because he is afraid that a means of free speech might irreparably break his hold on the country, but because he has more important priorities, such as watching basketball, admiring Elizabeth Taylor, or crushing South Korea.

Origins

According to Soviet records, Kim Jong-il was born February 16, 1941 in a village near Khabarovsk, USSR. His father, Kim Il-sung, was the commander of the 1st Battalion of the Soviet 88th Brigade. His mother had been a revolutionary soldier under Il-sung's command since 1936, but little else is known about her.

Then, exactly one year later on February 16th, 1942, Kim Jong-il was unborn, and his family was mysteriously teleported over 500 miles to Baekdu Mountain, Japanese Korea. Kim Jong-il was then reborn, an event foretold by a swallow and heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow, and the creation of a new star.

Current status

Sadly, Kim Jong-il died on December 17, 2011. His spirit was removed from his body and placed into Kim Jong-un, who will gain his father's memories, wisdom, and fondness for Zhongshan suits.

Famous Quote

Facts

• He's so ronery

• Huge storms happen

• HUGE STORMS ALWAYS HAPPEN!!!

• He shouts at mountains

• He died December 17, 2011

Images

Kim Jong-il couldn't get anyone to come to his birthday party.	Kim Jong-il is Vladimir Putin's best friend forever.	Kim Jong-il wishes he was Ceiling Cat.
		He died for teh lulz	Kim Jong-il doesn't need a degree to teach.
Kim Jong-il can stop trucks with his mind.	Kim Jong-il has a sensitive side.	Kim Jong-il looks good in anything.

Videos

Related Pages

Korea

Muammar Gadhafi

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