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No girls on the internet
Regardless of how much it LOOKS like a female, there are NO girls on the Internet.
- Date Discovered: 2002
- Discovered On: Internet
Summary
Some call it a blessing, others a curse, but there's little denying that the internet lacks in women. Rule 30 of the internet reflects this, and it's deeper definition states that behind every 'lolgirl13' is a 'trollguy44', a sexually frustrated male attempting to trick and seduce his fellow internetters into cybersex or other mischievous deeds.
The internet was a tough place to get into during the 80s and 90s. One had to have real computer skills to manually set up his network, have patience during the handshake and the subsequent 20 minutes of pageloading, and have the motivation to stay home for hours and lurk - sifting through text and simple images in search of excitement and knowledge. Women have always found distaste in this, preferring to go outside to sunbathe, gossip and seek mates.
In the 2000s, a feminine interest arose in certain aspects of the technology creating a sudden threat of a newbie infestation. In their wisdom, to prevent Eternal September II, a handful of responsible young men invented social networks such as MySpace on the outskirts of the real internet, to divert female flow and store them in a pseudosite where they can be periodically mined for pics and otherwise contented with Farmville and Photo Comment arguments.
Origins
In the early 90s, our species was young and had a lot of growing up to do in the Internet. During that time, up until the early 2000s, slow internet connections and poor video quality allowed people to see female figures and trust that they were actually women. As imageboards grew in popularity and webcams became more available and defined, the world reacted in horror as they found that between the legs of every attractive girl on the internet was a raging hardon ready to be penetrated. At first there was confusion, denial and claims that 'This Looks Shopped' were echoing across the 'tubes; but as time passed and further evidence surfaced, the inescapable reality set in with the internet's anxious patrons: There are no girls on the internet.
Current status
Loose reports around the world have defined a small insurgence of female traffic on the internet. Most appears to be accidental presence by lost women trying to find Lifetime TV on their boyfriend's computer. However, in July of 2007, the first ever live video was pushed of a female figure, penis-free, actually typing to onlookers. It has been dismissed as 'what appears to be a fleshlight gorilla-glued to a mannequin', but lack of further evidence leaves millions of users with the confident opinion that, in fact, the internet had been contaminated.
Facts
- - It is the sole reason why the magazine porn industry still thrives. Basementdwellers have to find their women through analog means.
- - Became an official part of the 'Rules of the Internet' in the mid 2000s, but has been effective since the internet's inception.
- - Some men make their entire living off pretending to be girls online.
- - Computer generated avatars have helped to fill the void left in the 'nets from lack of real women.
Images
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 This Looks Shopped |
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 Typical internet 'woman'. |
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