It's Not Gay
- Date Found: 2000's
- Used By: Internet
...If the balls don't touch.
"It's not gay...", "Not gay", and their variations describe something that is totally "not gay".
"It's not gay [if...]" is used when making arbitrary rules about the nature of a sexual act. It makes light of those who go through great lengths to deny their sexual orientation. "Not gay" is a descriptor for anything that is "not gay".
It's not gay when/if
- You don't look the other guy directly in the eyes.
- You and the other guy don't climax at the same time.
- You don't fall into his arms postcoitus and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.
- You slap each other on the back, shake hands, high-five, or brofist afterwards.
- You don't gaze into the other guy's eyes and your souls merge together.
- You don't nibble on his earlobes as you approach him from behind.
- Your perineum doesn't touch his.
- You don't begin to think he's the one you've been searching for your entire life, and you don't realize for the first time in years you are truly happy and feel that life is worth living.
- You're in the gym showers. It's not like he and you chose to be naked at the same time and same place; it just happened.
- You promise it's the last time (really).
- One of you wears a wig.
- You pretend that it never happened and don't return his calls.
- Money exchanges hands.
- You're on a long voyage across the sea.
- Spring Break booze cruise counts.
- You don't write him poetry.
- You're also currently stalking a member of the opposite sex.
- You're a dedicated misogynist.
- You're in prison serving more than a couple of months.
- "We were both really depressed and had split a 6-pack of Bartles & Jaymes, so it's not gay."
Insanity Wolf, sorry, it's gay.
Mr. Garrison is not gay, but Mrs. Garrison is
Our sysops are not gay
Technologically Impaired Duck is not gay